Children need fathers. Fathers help children develop in many ways. Boys and girls benefit from having a father around. Fathers help them develop physically, emotionally, and psychologically. For children, their fathers are a source of physical and emotional support. Boys and girls from broken father-child relationships need fathers to help them develop healthy relationships.
If you have never recently spoken with your biological father, you have likely spent years desperately searching for him. The reasons for not growing up with him are varied, but no matter what the reason, it’s hard. Perhaps you grew up without him, and not knowing who your dad is has shaped your perception of yourself and your place in this world. Perhaps he was never in the picture, and you never knew how to find him or reach him. Perhaps you know your father but have not spoken to him in years. Whatever the reason (or reasons) for not being able to connect with your father, you may find yourself intensely longing to communicate. You may feel a pressing desire to hear from him and know his life’s stories and who you are.
There are ways to contact your father that you’ve never met:
All families are different, and they require different communication styles to thrive. If you’re lucky enough to have a good relationship with your dad, you have probably found that the two of you are able to discuss things openly and without judgment. If you’ve had some trouble in the past, you might instead choose to use letters, phone calls, or emails as a way to communicate.
3 steps in contacting your father that you have never met:
Finding your biological father can be a daunting task, but there are a number of steps you can take to help you locate him. The use of a DNA Relative Finder can speed up the process of finding an absent father. A DNA Relative Finder is a tool that compares your DNA to potential biological fathers, which can reveal an unknown father’s identity, location, and history. Finding him with the help of social media is also one of the most effective and efficient ways to find him easily.
Decide to meet him
When you contact him already, just set a plan for when and where you meet him, in order for the both of you to have closure with each other. Meeting someone for the first time can be a little intimidating, especially if that meeting is to meet your father for the first time. It’s natural to be nervous, but meeting him for the first time can be easier if you’re prepared and have an idea of what to say. First, know that you should prepare yourself both mentally and physically. Prepare yourself with questions ahead of time, but make sure you never ask anything too personal. It’s also a good idea to mentally review how you want the meeting to go.
Develop a long-term plan
Develop a strategy that keeps you in contact with your father. Many families (particularly estranged ones) may be tempted to block dad on social media or avoid talking with him. This is understandable but may backfire. If your dad has friends, business associates, etc., who he talks to regularly, he may not realize he’s cut off. And if he forgets who you are, you run the risk of being forgotten. So, maintain contact.
Fatherhood is an important responsibility—a privilege. A father cannot be easily defined. Some of them bring joy into their lives; others bring joy to their children’s lives. Others bring pain. To whatever extent fathers can bring good or evil, or happiness or misery, they play an important role in their children’s lives. So, whatever you are in a situation with him, always say to him that you love him unconditionally and respect him because when he’s gone on this earth, you’ll regret it forever.
Some relationships can be complicated, and for some, your relationship with your biological or adoptive father is one of those. Perhaps you are estranged from your birth father, or never knew him, or perhaps you are estranged from the person you thought he was. Whatever the circumstances of your relationship with your father, it’s important to remember to keep it professional, but don’t be afraid to open up about your feelings.
If I could go back in time and have but one piece of advice to give to my younger self, it would be: don’t expect your dad to be like you. Your dad is not you. He is not from this generation. Your dad is different, and that’s okay.